I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
