So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
