did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
