I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
