This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't turn off my feet"
I could fuck to npr.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
