Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
