She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
