There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
