im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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