It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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