Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
