shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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