if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize