love makes seman taste better
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
