I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
