Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
