Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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