Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
