Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
