Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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