So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
