So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
