his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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