So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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