My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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