I am puke
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
