I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
