never play flip cup with pint glasses
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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