C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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