Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
