: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
