We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
