so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
