apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
