My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
