i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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