sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
