I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
