Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
