Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
