Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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