yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize