Sponge bath it is.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
