Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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