So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
