Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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