Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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