Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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