so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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