He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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