I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So. Much. Porn.
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