Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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