He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
