On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
please come you make the beer taste better
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
