Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
