so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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