You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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