booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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