Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
