Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
