I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
