Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
