Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
