Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
