its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
