Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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