Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
