A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can I color on your dick again?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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