Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
