ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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